No Longer There
by laprotectioneternelle
Summary: Seamus/OC. Sometimes, nothing goes the way we want. Sometimes, all we are is alone.
1. Chapter 1

Seamus sat in the Owlery, knee tucked to his chest and the prosthetic sticking out and laying flat on the stone ledge. He looked contemplatively at the indigo sky flecked with white. The silence was tranquil, which allowed him a moment to himself, which was what he wanted most of all.

"Responsibility, eh?" Mathan asked, sitting down beside Seamus.

His large frame engulfed Seamus's smaller and lankier frame in the looming shadows. The Beorning stared at his hands for a few moments, the shyness taking over and throwing them both into a whirlwind of awkward silences.

"I...I told you that I'll be gone for a while, right?"

Seamus looked at Mathan, eyes widening in surprise as his eyebrows knit together in absolute confusion.

No one had ever told him anything (granted this was nothing new) but he expected his best mate (besides Dean) to tell him something as important as that. He swallowed the tightness in his throat.

"I...I told Zelina," Mathan said slowly, running a hand slowly through his hair.

Seamus felt something like his heart twist at the simple sound of her name. Zelina, his (and Dean's first crush); of course it was Mathan who got the girl he had been crushing on since she first stepped foot into Hogwarts. Something about her snappy attitude yet overall brilliance always had a way of making his heart jump.

"O' course ye did," Seamus said, unsticking his throat and rubbing his mouth awkwardly, trying to hide the fact he was beginning to tear up.

It just seemed like everyone was leaving and it was eating him from the inside out.

"I didn't mean that sercastically either, mate. She's ye girlfriend, I get it."

"I told Kaelyn, too," Mathan said more cautiously, side eyeing Seamus for a reaction.

However, Seamus merely stared ahead, only blinking once in response.

"I..."

"Ferget it, Foley," Seamus said and rose to his feet; his metal foot clumping loudly against the stone, breaking off the loose parts.

"I'm going te find Wren if ye don't mind...maybe find Shepherd along the way."

Mathan stood up, too, deciding not to get on Seamus's nerves (which was the wise decision) and dusted off the imaginary dirt from his pants.

He waved goodbye to Seamus, however, the Irish was already gone, heading down the winding stairs, lighting his hand on fire and using it as his light. Mathan gave in and took his different route back.

Seamus backtracked past Hagrid's Hut, hoping to avoid being caught after hours, and nearly smashed into Felicity Bell; in lightning reflexes, he caught her before she could fall, steadying her back on her feet and clearing his throat with a small and genuine chuckle. Felicity looked up at Seamus and smiled back.

"Long time no see," she said as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Didn't expect you to be out so late."

"Think o'bout who yer talking to," Seamus said with a laugh, looking around to see if any professors were heading down this way.

"I'd love to stay and chat but I'm looking fer someone."

Felicity tipped her head to the side.

"Who?"

"Me sister, Wren," Seamus said and awkwardly shuffled his metal foot on the ground, scuffling the imaginary dirt.

"No, sorry," Felicity said with a shake of her head and a shrug of her shoulders.

"I haven't seen Wren since dinner. I think she went up early, she was talking about wanting to get some sleep."

Seamus's shoulders sagged but he waved goodbye to Felicity, deciding they were going to continue their walks in separate directions.

He always enjoyed her company, even if she could not stop her pining over Harry when he and she both knew Loren Wreath Findley. Despite the two being together, Loren seemed...rather attached to Seamus sometimes (or maybe he was bad at reading messages).

A little later in his walk, he literally walked into a person he had been meaning to see.

"Pyro, you have eyes so use them!"

Seamus instantly broke out into a grin, his old self falling back into place as he stared at his best female friend (besides Gale).

"Miss me much?" he jested arrogantly.

"Not even in the slightest," Zelina scoffed with a roll of her eyes.

"What are you even doing out after hours, Pyro?"

Seamus stopped for a minute to look at Zelina, eyes scanning his friend for the briefest of moments. There were times where he was confused with his platonic and sisterly affection to his deeply hidden romantic affection. But moreover, Seamus knew Zelina loved Mathan and he respected that deeply.

"What am I, what are ye doing out?" Seamus asked, returning the question hastily, seeing if he could get her to admit she was breaking the rules.

"Just came back from a shift at the Hospital Wing," Zelina said, eyes narrowed.

She placed her hand on her hip, the other on her wand.

"Madam Pomfrey had me working for ages on a stupid prat who tried something he shouldn't have. So guess who had to play his damage control?"

Seamus flinched a little inwardly, knowing Zelina was very touchy about the topic of damage control. While it did bring the situation to attention, he did not ever mean for her to feel like that. It was true, he and his friends often went to Zelina to rant and rave about their problems. No wonder she felt like the solo clean up crew.

"Ye know ya more than that," Seamus said teasingly, poking her in the shoulder.

"Poke me, you'll end in the Wing," Zelina grumbled, wiping her shoulder clean from nothing.

She blew back her bangs and folded her arms over her chest.

"Okay, Pyro, was there a real point to this conversation or are you just here to waste my time?"

"Ouch," Seamus said with a bit of a grin still.

"I'm going to pretend ye didn't just say that. I was wondering if ye knew about...Mathan and his...shite?"

Zelina raised one eyebrow, seemingly impatiently waiting for him to sound more eloquent or specific at the very least.

"I mean, did ye know he was leaving?" Seamus asked quietly.

"Obviously, Pyro," Zelina said without missing a beat.

"We're soulmates, I know."

"Right, right," Seamus muttered under his breath.

"And I'm going with him."

Seamus spluttered, gaping like a fish out of water. He had no idea how to respond to that, especially when he was not expecting it. Zelina had caught him off guard, something never done easily. However, through all his shock and confusion, a deep depression began to settle in quickly.

"Are ye really going?" Seamus breathed, his demeanor much different.

"Yeah," Zelina said and frowned.

"Did you really think I wouldn't? I love Mathan, Pyro, all right? He comes first, I'm sorry."

Seamus looked down then he looked away, deciding he was not going to argue that since it made so much sense.

He used to be like that with someone else but ever since tragedy struck the two of them, Kaelyn and Seamus were no more.

"Remember when it could have been us?"

The question slipped out before he could stop himself.

"No, because it never would have," Zelina stated bluntly and plainly.

Seamus pulled it off with a laugh filled with mirth but he knew deep down he had to agree with her. They were never meant to be even if he was sometimes convinced of it. His heart belonged to someone else...or his heart used to be belong to someone else.

"I can hear you thinking from here, which is a first," Zelina commented wearily, sitting down in the alcove bench and motioning for him to do the same.

"So why don't you let me play the shoulder you lean on."

Seamus wrinkled his nose but he sat down, leaning against the wall so he could better face Zelina as he spoke to her.

"I miss her, ye know? I do. I still love her and everything but us...it won't be anymore," Seamus said and frowned deeply.

Zelina pinched the bridge of her nose albeit she remained patient.

"You always have a falling out...like every week," she grumbled pointedly.

"All right, so this has lasted longer but as always, you two'll talk it out. Once you two stop being idiotic prats."

Seamus could not even send another quip in her direction, wondering if what she said ever had a chance of being true. What he made Kaelyn do was unforgivable and it made him look like a murderer.

"Right, and your obsessive drinking has NOTHING to do with it?" Zelina added after his pause.

Seamus scowled as she hit a sore spot for him.

"Ah, sod off," he said but with no venom.

"Keep the alcohol out o'this."

Just as Zelina opened her mouth to say something, a figure who walked up to them interrupted them.

Zelina's lips twitched into a frown.

"Grey..."  
_

 **Stay tuned for Chapter Two.**


	2. Chapter 2

Kaelyn Grey had been on her way out of Hogwarts when she had heard the voices. Voices she knew. Voices that had once belonged to two of the people she valued the most. Now...

"Zelina, please," Kaelyn said wearily, deciding to wholy ignore Seamus.

She wasn't strong enough for him right now.

"Mathan is looking for you," she said, hanging her head.

"He says that he'll be leaving soon and...I have to go myself so..."

Kaelyn, in a mirror image of Seamus, scuffed the ground with her toe. She _knew_ it was a habit she had adopted from the man she once loved, but now...

She had nothing but hatred and contempt in her heart. She had been stupid and young. Had allowed herself to be so grossly misused and...had been party to the murder of not one, but two innocent souls. But Seamus would never know that part. As far as she was concerned, none of it was any of his business. The bastard.

"Go?" Zelina scoffed.

"Go where?"

Kaelyn's head snapped up as she looked at Zelina, briefly shooting Seamus a scathing, mostly disgusted look.

"Home," she said simply.

"I have withdrawn from Hogwarts. I transfer to Beauxbaton next week. I think I will do better in my studies without the distraction of...the male sex."

Zelina just raised an eyebrow and shook her head.

"You two need to talk," she said, looking between Seamus and Kaelyn.

"Later, Pyro."

Kaelyn rolled her eyes at Zelina's departure. The two were obviously still on the out.

It was no ones business that she was leaving from shame. To escape the pain of every memory she encountered within the halls of the place she called home. Her closest friends, the ones who knew the absolute truth, could not even stand to look at her after what she had done, and...in her soul...she could not stand to look at herself either.

"I have nothing to say to you, Finnigan," she spat.

"You are a murderer, and you disgust me. I wish I had never known you, and I hope you rot in Hell for the decisions you forced me to make."

Kaelyn knew none of that was fair. It had, after all, been a two party decision. Seamus hadn't forced the tonic down her throat. She had drank it because he had sworn he would love her no matter what. They had just been too young and naive to account for the overwhelming guilt that would consume them. Only, in Kaelyn's mind, she was the only one drowning in it. Seamus seemed only to mourn his faithful source of sex and homework help.

' _Screw him_ ,' she thought.

"If you have anything to say to me, now is the time. Once I hand you these papers, you are to never contact me again, for any reason, lest you fancy a stay in Azkaban. Be thankful I talked my father out of more serious consequences. And be thankful I did not wish to incriminate our other friends."

Kaelyn gave Seamus one last look, refusing to see the pain and hurt in his eyes. The emotions she knew were there only because of her harsh words. Thankfully her mask of cold indifference was firmly in place.

When she realized Seamus had nothing to say, she threw the restraining order at him, turned on her heel, and walked away, tears streaming down her face.

In truth, she had nowhere to go, and no one to go to. Her friends had turned on her, her family had disowned her, and there had never been any kind of invitation to another magical school. Hogwarts had been her final option. Now...her wand would be snapped for sure.

 _~oooOOOooo~_

Wandering down to the village, Kaelyn slipped into Madame Rosemerta's. She knew the bar maiden would have a hot drink and a warm bed for her with no questions and no fee. The Madame had always had a soft spot for the less fortunate and kept a spare room in the back of her storeroom for nights such as these when lost souls happened upon her establishment in need of a safe harbor.

Once she had settled into her cubby for the night, Kaelyn lay awake, wondering if she had been too harsh. Too cold. She wondered if Seamus really did have regrets over everything that had happened. If he even possessed the emotions to process it all.

Maybe she _should_ have given him a chance to speak but...her soul was in shreds and she did not think she could bare to hear his voice.

Kaelyn stayed up long into the night, lost in all her thoughts, wondering what to do, and where to go next. She had no clue on anything.

Just last week her whole life was looking up. Tonight, she was back to square one.

When the morning came, she dressed quietly and slipped out of the Tavern, on to whatever life had in store for her.

Several months later, almost a year, an unfamiliar owl found Seamus.

There was no return address on the letter, and the owl did not stay.

 _"I am so sorry. For everything. There is so much I need to tell you. Things I need to say. I'll be at Bre's tomorrow at noon. I know you frequent there. If you consent to speak with me... KG"_


	3. Chapter 3

**All rights remain.**

"Hey, Dean," Seamus began.

Dean just walked past him.

Seamus hung his head; he had lost all respect for himself. Ever since their friends had learned what he had done and what Kaelyn had to do because of him, he was shunned and disgraced. Mathan, Dean, Dalton, Asher, Augustine, Wren, Shepherd, and even Gale stopped talking to him.

Zelina was the only one who attempted to talk to.

And all of his bad vices.

* * *

Dublin, Ireland, the biggest city in the country, was bustling with people. Dusk was taking over, darkening the sky in a deep and hazy blue. Street lights from buildings made pools of orange on the cobblestone roads.

Seamus knew Ireland like he knew the back of his hand. While most knew Dublin's beauty, Seamus knew the underbelly of the city; he wrapped his jacket around him tighter, keeping his head down. He wore several layers of clothes despite the rainy and rather mild temperature. Beneath his over-sized black coat, he wore a black sweatshirt, which allowed him to draw up his hood.

He headed down a maze of streets until he stopped in the middle of an alleyway, leaning against the brick wall and looking at his wristwatch. When it went off with an alarm, he put on leather gloves and looked left then right before resuming his walk.

"919."

Seamus turned to see who addressed him, tense and stiff, but he relaxed when he recognized the face. The stranger took off his sunglasses and stared at Seamus with steely gray eyes.

"I've got it," Seamus said, holding up a hand. "Fergus told me all about it."

The stranger, who addressed himself as Yellowjacket, tilted his chin up at the sixteen year old. He regarded Seamus for a moment before nodded gruffly, curling his lip back.

"Shades on, hood up, head down."

Seamus obeyed obediently and accepted the backpack Yellowjacket gave him, slinging it over one shoulder and following Yellowjacket down the more empty roads. The two walked in a vigil of silence, keeping to themselves until they reached the automobile Seamus knew right away was their getaway car. Yellowjacket pushed Seamus in first, clambering in after him.

"Are we going now?" Seamus asked, pulling something from his pocket. It was a small electronic device; he was able to keep it at Hogwarts since electronics did not work inside the walls therefore it was undetectable.

"Sans has to calibrate the security system. Where was you, man?" Yellowjacket asked, finally lifting his hood down and revealing his face. "I swear, you always cuttin' us off when we need ya. Imma kill you one of these days but not now."

Seamus flicked an eyebrow upward in response, adjusting his leather gloves and flexing his fingers in them, making sure they fit comfortably for the job he was going to do.

"If you wasn't Fergus's cousin," Yellowjacket snarled, shaking his head. "And if you wasn't good at this electronic shit, I woulda bust a bullet in yo head, man, I mean it."

Seamus suppressed rolling his eyes but he grabbed the screwdriver lying in the seat next to him and began tinkering with the circuit board. The driver of the van took them to the outskirts of Dublin, right outside the city, to a neighborhood that reeked of the wealthy. Everything Seamus and his family and friends would never have. Would never know.

The car pulled over to the side, wheels grinding against the loose stones of the cobblestone driveway. Seamus curled his lip back in disgust but he said nothing, drawing the hood over his eyes and pulling two red wires from his circuit board.

"Got it, 919?"

"Got it," Seamus said, his voice devoid of all emotion.

Yellowjacket opened the door of the van, letting Seamus out; once out, Seamus was already making his way towards the lit up house, knowing it was empty for an entire week, allowing him the luxury of time to raid. Like a spider, he scaled the stone wall of the exterior, clinging to the window sill while rummaging through his backpack. He fiddled with the earpiece to make sure it was working before he picked the lock on the security panel.

"Where are ya at?" Yellowjacket asked through the earpiece.

"Got it," Seamus announced. "Alarm is down."

He took his jackknife and sliced open the locked window, slipping in silently. Going through the mansion like house, Seamus went for the basement where he knew the safe was going to be. Flicking on some lights, the last bulb revealed the old safe door. Walking up, Seamus went to examine it.

"FUCK."

"What?" Yellowjacket asked urgently. "How fucked are we?"

"You didn't tell me it had a fingerprint scanner!" Seamus hissed angrily, cursing under his breath over and over again. He rubbed his eyes, trying desperately to search his mind.

"Are we done for?" Yellowjacket asked fretfully.

"NOt quite."

Seamus launched himself upstairs and flung open each drawer, frantically searching for some clear tape. Any kind at all. He let out a breath of relief when he found some. Grabbing the clear tape, glue, and a flashcard ring, he ran into the kitchen and began to work.

He snipped off a long piece of tape with his teeth, went to the doorknob of the cabinet behind him and stuck the tape to the doorknob before taking it off and putting the flashcard ring in the middle of the sticky side. Once that was done, Seamus uncapped the glue and filled the inside of the ring with the glue. Once he was finished, he took several matches and waited until the glue heated and formed into a solid.

He lifted the makeshift fingerprint to the light before racing back downstairs, getting right past the fingerprint scan and straight into the safe. It only took him two minutes to empty at least three hundred grand into his backpack.

But on his way out, he was stopped by a little girl and a mother. This place wasn't empty after all.

"Stop!" the mother cried, clinging to the little girl.

But Seamus was already using muscle memory, taking his electric taser, charging it, and sending the mother writhing on the floor with volts of electricity pulsating through her body. Seamus turned to the little girl, who was cowering against the wall. She was screaming so Seamus did what he did and shocked her, too, a little afraid to see her unmoving after falling to the floor beside her mother.

Seamus was dropped off at home, looking at the place he called his safe haven.

Heading upstairs, he hitched the backpack over his shoulder, knowing how important it was to get to his mother. Arlene was waiting on the couch, a band around her arm and a needle in her hand.

"Boy," she slurred. "What do you have?"

"Our rent," Seamus said, tossing her the backpack.

As Arlene set the needle down, Seamus picked it up and put it in his pocket, taking what he could as payment for the work he had done the previous night. Arlene, however, was transfixed on the large sum of money in the backpack.

"How'd you do it?" Arlene gasped, still slurring her words.

"Tasered a mother and possibly tasered a little girl to death," Seamus snarled, his voice once again devoid of all emotion. "I trust you to use the money wisely. I get the rest of your loot."

Arlene just waved Seamus off as he began collecting everything around the apartment. He knew it was not the cleanest but when living like him, he took what he could get and he took it without complaint.

* * *

It had been a whole five days before Seamus returned to Hogwarts, saying nothing to Professor McGonagall and heading straight for the secluded Wooden Bridge where he could be alone.

He held the band around his arm in place and winced ever so slightly as he pushed the needle further in, trying to feel around for his vein. Once found, he shot it in, feeling the release of everything in his wake as the desomorphine rushed into his bloodstream.

In his haze, he wrote in a letter:

 _Kaelyn,_

 _Please, I love you. I know I have no right to even think of you but I love you. I can't lose you. I need o talk to you._

 _S.F_


	4. Chapter 4

Kaelyn had moved to the states to start again. She had been accepted into Ilvermony and was doing well in her seventh year with only a few minor adjustments needed. She fit well with her classmates and was even moderately popular. No one here knew her dark past. At all.

"Hey, Beautiful," said a boy as he walked up beside her, wrapping an arm around her and kissing her cheek.

Kaelyn smiled coyly and leaned into the boy.

"You're blind," she said.

"Love will do that, mi amore," he said.

"How were classes?"

Kaelyn groaned and turned into her boyfriend's embrace.

"Gross," she said.

"Professor Greenwich gave us three feet on centaurs due tomorrow. I think my hand will fall off. You?"

The boy just left and kissed Kaelyn's forehead, pulling her closer.

"Cake classes," he said.

"Need any help?"

Kaelyn laid her head against his chest, her eyes closing as she listened to his heartbeat.

"No," she said.

"But you can come sit with me in the tower while I work if you want."

"You know I will," he said softly.

"Thank you," Kaelyn said sincerely.

"What are you doing for the holidays? "

Kaelyn stiffened a bit, the weight of Seamus's letter in her pocket.

" I must return to England to settle some family Affairs," she said softly, her tone full of dread.

"Will you be going home as well? "

The boy before her shook his head.

" my mother and stepfather are going to their vacation home in Switzerland," he said.

"I've opted to stay here."

Kaelyn frowned.

"No one else in our year is staying," she said.

"Won't you be bored?"

The boy just shrugged.

"You could come with me?" Kaelyn suggested.

" I'll have to go to the solicitor's office alone for a few hours on Christmas..."

"London is amazing at Christmas..."

Boyfriend just smiled and kissed Kaelyn softly.

"Id love to," he said.

"See you at dinner?" she asked.

"I have to send a letter."

"Dinner it is."

Kaelyn kissed her boyfriend softly before departing for the owlery, Seams note burning a hole in her her pocket. Once she got settled she pulled the note out and stared.

327 days.

That is how long it had been since she had heard from him. He had ignored her lettEr; ignored her request to meet; and now this.

She should ignore it altogether. Leave him to wonder. But she needed to know for herself...

Did he have the same regrets?

 _"Fine. Holidays are next week. Name your time and place. Please come sober and well-prlimited. My time is limited. K.G."_

Reading the note and deciding it was appropriately detached, she folded it up and sent it with a school owl before rushing to meet her boyfriend for dinner, easily pushing all of he _r dark thoughts aside._


End file.
